i had a day

Today is a day that most parents will never experience, but there are some who do… 


Today we referred Owen for a special evaluation with the school district.  I have been on the other end of this…  doing the evaluating, interviewing the parents, writing the reports, making the recommendations, etc…  You would think that this would be easier for someone with my background.  Nope – been in tears off and all day since I talked to the coordinator.  Maybe I know too much.  I feel like there is something else we could have tried, done, etc… that I missed.  That is the mom side of me, while the professional part of me knows better.

I feel like I need to share this for a few reasons. 

  1. I have talked about his health with all of you in the past with all of his Kidney issues and sometimes the therapy for me of typing it out is just what I need.
  2. I know I am not alone out there. 
  3. I know that not everyone has my background, might be concerned about their child too, and just not know what to do.
  4. I plan to talk about this as we go through the whole process, so this is the starting point.

So – to answer the why…

Since Owen was about 2, we have been talking about his behavior.  He is very smart, articulate, and amazingly funny and entertaining.  He is also extremely overactive, sometimes aggressive, difficult to transition from one task to another, and very very often impossible to keep under some kind of control.  When he was 2, we said it was just the age.  When he was 3, same thing -because 3 is worth than 2 supposedly.  Now that he is almost 5, we are still dealing with it.  In any given day, we will ask him an uncountable amount of times to stop tackling Jacob, jumping on the furniture, screaming, bouncing, rolling around, hitting, and more.  He will walk into things, has trouble sitting to eat, spills a lot, makes a huge mess when he eats,  and that is just the start.  Giving him a bath or shower is a battle of epic proportions. 

What it boils down to is that he has a very hard time understanding his body in space, controlling himself, and expressing his anger or feelings without using his body.  Matt and I go to bed exhausted every single night.  We have tried reward programs, extensive amounts of exercise (him,  not us…), and more.  It has become apparent that when we send him to school in the fall we will probably get a phone call from the teacher the first week.  So, in order to make sure they are ready for him and he is ready for school, we are going through a full special education evaluation. 

I am terrified and happy all at the same time.  I know we are doing the right thing for him, for us, and for the Kindergarten teacher.  At the same time, my heart has broken again.  His health issues often have me worried – every stomach ache makes me nervous.  Now, with the behavior piece, I just feel completely overwhelmed – especially since we have finally verbally and actively acknowledged it outside the walls of our own home. 

So…  it has been a day.



Filed under Life

12 responses to “i had a day

  1. Hopefully they will have some answers for you. Sometimes the more you know isn’t a bonus.

  2. Hopefully they will have some answers for you. Sometimes the more you know isn’t a bonus. I am sure it will all work it’s self out in the end.

  3. While I understand that this is difficult for you, Kudo’s to you for addressing the problem. The school district has been trying to label my nephew as mild autistic since he was 2, but my Sister in law has been refusing the diagnosis and insists that there is nothing wrong with him. Because of this he is not getting the help that he needs to overcome his problems. Good Luck

  4. Becky Kramer

    Hang in there Stephenie!! You are doing the right thing even though it’s not easy!! He’ll be just fine because he has parents that will get him the help that he needs and parents that “get” it!!

  5. Page

    Stephanie-I feel for you! I don’t know if you have ever been around when I have talked about this, but Logan was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder about a year ago and it has been very hard, but we are starting to see the light, recently. He had (and still has) some of the very same behaviors and some different ones, as Owen. His preschool teacher started to become concerned and we had him evaluated last summer. He has been in OT since last June and is doing very well. I am still concerned that Kindergarten will be very hard for all of us next year. I know it is hard. It will get better.

  6. Lisa

    Oh, big hugs Steph! It is always a difficult thing to have any special concerns with your children. First the kidney issues and now you are going down a new path.

    I too have degree in Early Childhood Education and I have made numerous referrals, working with special need children for years, and seen parents who struggle with the process.

    I want to say that I am proud of you! Proud that you are not in denial, proud that you are doing what is best for your child, proud you are going to find resources to assist you, and so happy for Owen that he has a mama with so much experience to help him through life! Imagine all those parents who do not have your experience and how challenging it has to be for them. (not to minimize your challenges in any way of course)

    When Meliah was born she came into this world to us and I knew full well that her birthmom had consumed massive amounts of alcohol the first trimester. I didn’t care……I knew this child was mine and I was willing to do it all. We have been very fortunate because to date at the age of 5 we have yet to see any negative effects in her cognitively, emotionally, or physically that lead us to believe there are any effects from alcohol exposure. But I continue to watch and wonder……….and until she is past 2nd grade when the point occurs that any lingering learning disabilities show, I will not rest. I will keep watch……..because that is what good parents do!

    You know, I am here if you need to talk……you have my number!

  7. Michelle 3624

    Hugs a very hard day indeed. I know it was hard and your heart is broken right now but you have to know that you are doing what is best for Owen and that is what the bottom line should be. You have to do what is best for Owen no matter how hard it is for you at this moment in time.

  8. You know you are doing the right thing for him and your family. I think I understand how do you feel. My second daughter is somehow similar – overacting, tackling her big sister all the time, struggling with speech. It is hard to see it and hard not to ask yourself – why? I wish I could be more help…


  9. Meghan

    I know it’s all very hard Steph, but you know you are doing the right thing by Owen. I hope it all works out! And continue to share your story with us, I’m sure it will help you along the way.

  10. Barb #2975

    Hi Stephenie –
    Yes, many of us have been where you are right now… there are scary days and good days… we also had some similar issues (and some different).

    I will leave you with this thought…. We are now 6 years past getting our son the diagnosis and help he needed. Life is wonderful, he is not only coping, but successful in middle school. Hang in there!

  11. I can only tell you that occupational therapy is an amazing thing for kiddos with learning troubles. My guy has some issues and we worked with a fantastic occupational therapist. He’s a wonderful teen now. Sending hugs.

  12. mariah

    I feel soo sorry for you ..we have a cousin who has a child like that, every day is a new adventure, or you don’t know what to expect, and have to keep on your toes,, hope you find answers soon..(((((HUGS))))

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